Turned on the TV over my coffee this morning and that FreeCreditReport.com commercial came on about the young man who lives in his new wife’s parents’ basement because she defaulted on a credit card when she was single and didn’t tell him.
Then one of the guests on my morning show was talking about how this economy has allowed parents to say NO to their kids without guilt…they can blame it on the economy.
I couldn’t help thinking about a young man I had the opportunity to share my thoughts with a few years back as he prepared to marry his dream girl. Being mindful that anyone who asks “what do you think about my fiancée?” doesn’t really want to know what you think, I cannot say I was surprised that my advice was, if not ignored, certainly filed under ‘WHATEVER.’
Here’s the problem though. His intended had bought a new car a few years before he met her and promptly wrecked it. She decided she didn’t need to make payments on a car she couldn’t drive. Fast forward a few years and she is now engaged to the young man. She wants a new car and he wants to help her.
‘Why,’ I say, ‘do you want to put a car loan in your name before you are even married?’Because,’ he says, ‘she can’t get one.’
Siren sounds. Bells. Whistles. The hair on the back of my neck is on full alert.
‘Are you going to want to buy a house after you get married?’ I ask innocently.
Well, you already know the answer and you can probably fast forward a few more years to when he was picking up the pieces of a failed marriage. She had run through every dime he had buying beauty treatments, baby clothes, baubles and bad behavior.
He was still pretty miserable when we talked recently as he told me she had taken his entire 401K in the divorce settlement. ‘Cheer up,’ I said. ‘If she hadn’t taken it you still wouldn’t have it thanks to the economy. Time to move on.’ (Hey, I know him really well so no grief about sarcasm, thank you.)
We teach our kids that money is for spending. Don’t have money? Use a credit card. We teach our kids that a fabulous wedding is the goal, not a lifelong commitment that includes co-managing assets. We worry about whether or not we’re going to have grandchildren, not whether or not those grandchildren will be born to financially secure parents.
Maybe this economy can start a new trend for parents who apparently were challenged by the word NO when their kids were…kids. While we are advising young people to speak to a minister to make sure they are spiritually compatible why aren’t we advising them to see a financial planner? Pull a credit report on your intended and share yours with her/him. It could be the basis of a discussion that can completely change your life.
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SarahGray Lamm is a licensed, full time, residential real estate professional in the Raleigh Durham area of North Carolina with over 60,000 hours of experience. She specializes in serving the real estate needs of home sellers, home buyers and investors in Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Durham and Northern Chatham County and is proudly associated with Allen Tate Realtors, the Carolinas #1 independent realty company.
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SarahGray - first we will need to teahc the parents how to save money and be thrifty before we can even think about teaching thier kids !!. There are plenty of "grown folks' that repeat this pattern from your young couples story.
I think we need to change the high schools back to the way it was in the 70's (to some degree) Bring back Home Economics ,Life skills Shop and Auto mechanics. Teach everyone the basics again and let them build from there. Computer and IT are great , but America needs to support itself not just be a consumer nation.
Laura, I totally agree. Remember "Distributive Ed"? Taught kids who weren't going to college to balance a checkbook, culitivate a skill and live life. Should have been required for graduation by all!
This economy is going to change the way we think about spending for a long time. Saying no to many extras that seemed ok in the past will become normal after some initial pains.
Interesting idea. Guess it wouldn't be too hard to do, once you've gotten to the point of a marrying committment, a good hard look at finances is a great idea.
I remember how fearful my parents were of buying a home and not being able to pay the mortgage if one of them lost their job. They believed that if you didn't have the money to pay for what you were buying within 2 months, or couldn't pay for it right away then you didn't need it. Today the mentality is how many credit cards can I get. So sad!
We teach kids to dissect a frog but not to read a profit and lose statement then we wonder why people are in DEBT. Crazy. We should be teaching personal finance in schools.
We should bring back Home Economics and Shops in school like we had in days gone by. We need home skills to fall back when the economy is bad. Personal Finance knowledge is also a must. I agree with Marcus, learn to read Profit and Loss Statement to know where you stand financially.