SarahGray Lamm ~ Chapel Hill / Carrboro / Durham Real Estate Blog ~ Agent Outlier

Turned on the TV over my coffee this morning and that FreeCreditReport.com commercial came on about the young man who lives in his new wife’s parents’ basement because she defaulted on a credit card when she was single and didn’t tell him.

Then one of the guests on my morning show was talking about how this economy has allowed parents to say NO to their kids without guilt…they can blame it on the economy.

I couldn’t help thinking about a young man I had the opportunity to share my thoughts with a few years back as he prepared to marry his dream girl. Being mindful that anyone who asks “what do you think about my fiancée?” doesn’t really want to know what you think, I cannot say I was surprised that my advice was, if not ignored, certainly filed under ‘WHATEVER.’

Here’s the problem though. His intended had bought a new car a few years before he met her and promptly wrecked it. She decided she didn’t need to make payments on a car she couldn’t drive. Fast forward a few years and she is now engaged to the young man. She wants a new car and he wants to help her.

‘Why,’ I say, ‘do you want to put a car loan in your name before you are even married?’Because,’ he says, ‘she can’t get one.’

Siren sounds. Bells. Whistles. The hair on the back of my neck is on full alert.

‘Are you going to want to buy a house after you get married?’ I ask innocently.

Well, you already know the answer and you can probably fast forward a few more years to when he was picking up the pieces of a failed marriage. She had run through every dime he had buying beauty treatments, baby clothes, baubles and bad behavior.

He was still pretty miserable when we talked recently as he told me she had taken his entire 401K in the divorce settlement. ‘Cheer up,’ I said. ‘If she hadn’t taken it you still wouldn’t have it thanks to the economy. Time to move on.’ (Hey, I know him really well so no grief about sarcasm, thank you.)

We teach our kids that money is for spending. Don’t have money? Use a credit card. We teach our kids that a fabulous wedding is the goal, not a lifelong commitment that includes co-managing assets. We worry about whether or not we’re going to have grandchildren, not whether or not those grandchildren will be born to financially secure parents.

Maybe this economy can start a new trend for parents who apparently were challenged by the word NO when their kids were…kids. While we are advising young people to speak to a minister to make sure they are spiritually compatible why aren’t we advising them to see a financial planner? Pull a credit report on your intended and share yours with her/him. It could be the basis of a discussion that can completely change your life.